Dortmunder has a job offer. He's been hired by third parties to pull off heists in the past, but never to lay his hands on anything this peculiar. It is the 800 year old femur of a 16-year-old girl who, having been killed and eaten by her own family, was made a saint by the Church. Now two European countries and the Catholic church are fighting like dogs over it. This bone, the femur of St Ferghana, is a holy relic claimed by two newly-created European nations, Tsergovia and Votskojek. The relic will be awarded to one of the two countries, which will then be admitted to the United Nations. Dortmunder and his gang are working for the Tersgovians. As usual, nothing goes according to plan. How will this free-for-all end? Don't ask.
Praise for Don’t Ask
“Westlake fans (who should comprise the entire American reading public) will cheer the hilarious return of Manhattan con man John Dortmunder and his friends from their comic misadventures upstate in Drowned Hopes … With laugh-out-loud dialogue, perfectly aimed wit and characters who leap off the page, this latest Dortmunder tale proves again that Westlake is a country unto himself. Don't ask, go visit.”
- Publishers Weekly
“Westlake … adds yet another installment to his popular crime series featuring the dour master criminal John Dortmunder. Dortmunder is contracted by a tiny eastern European nation to steal a sacred relic. At first, the job seems like a cakewalk: "We could phone for it. We could send a kid to pick it up. It's so easy..." he says. As usual, though, things go wrong: Dortmunder is taken prisoner, and the relic ends up in the hands of the Drug Enforcement Agency. How he escapes his captors and gets the relic back makes for a hilarious romp.”
- Mark Annichiarico, Library Journal